“Just because I wear it well....

 ...doesn’t  mean it’s not heavy.”

This quote from a fellow stomate who frequently posts on Instagram, got right to me. For 3 years now I have had this remnant that constantly reminds me of my struggle with cancer and radical cystectomy (removal of the bladder and all parts south). I think that since my retirement, I’ve had time to process my feelings regarding this constant companion. I don’t regret my decision to opt for a stoma but I regret having to make that decision at all, for sure. 

 My friend goes on to say “One thing I have to keep reminding  people (including myself) is that I have had life changing surgery and the demands on my body from everyday life will effect (sic) me in different ways now. This bag brings unique challenges, with highs and lows.”

Check out IBDLIFE on Instagram as Ant reveals his story. He suffers from Chrons and now has an ostomy and is an advocate for ostomy support and fashion. 

My journey is a bit different but no less life changing. I had cancer. I did not have to have chemo because we caught my cancer in it’s early stages but the cancer was a very aggressive type so a radical procedure had to be performed. The recovery and relapse was brutal but the more subtle weight is constantly with me, hourly, daily, weekly. 

I generally wear my bag outside my pants, covered and I only wear my bag inside my waistband for special occasions like the wedding last August. I am forever cognizant in those situations as the waistband’s pressure on me that can cause a devastating leak. It’s happened before, I’m sure it will happen again but I’ve become confident enough to no longer keep a change of clothes in the car. I tend to stand a lot, sitting makes me uncomfortable as it increases pressure on the system.

Traveling is a bit much. I had forgotten my connector to my night bag on a trip to Brenda’s folks and had to sleep in a chair all night and set my alarm to wake me every 2 hours to empty. Lesson learned the hard way. On long flights I will bag up so I don’t have to get out of my seat. I’m surprised how much the cabin pressure affects my output. I may have to get up twice on even short flights. 

We talk of international travel again but it brings trepidation of TSA check points, where very unusual and very public encounters happen and the thought of another ignorant TSA agent calling me out or literally pulling open my waistband to peer inside, gives me pause.  I have had to lift my shirt up, at the check in so they can actually see my bag because they cannot fathom what fluid I might be carrying with me. Of course you have to be good natured (not my forte) and take the opportunity to educate, constantly pushing down your embarrassment, frustration and anger. 

Life goes on. 

Kung Pao Cauliflower...A Vegan Recipe for Lent.

Here is the original link  https://www.halfbakedharvest.com/kung-pao-cauliflower/

Extra Sticky Kung Pao Cauliflower

Produce

1 large head Cauliflower

2 cloves Garlic

1 inch Ginger, fresh

4 Green onions

1/4 cup Peanuts, salted

Note* I added red pepper strips and onion petals. 

Canned Goods

2 tbsp Coconut milk, canned full fat

Condiments

3 tbsp Hoisin sauce

2 tbsp Maple syrup or honey, real

Pasta & Grains

1 White or brown rice

Baking & Spices

1 pinch Black pepper

2 tbsp Cornstarch

1/2 tsp Red pepper flakes

Oils & Vinegars

2 tbsp Rice vinegar

1 tbsp Sesame or peanut oil

Other

1/3 cup + 2 tablespoons low sodium soy sauce or Braggs Liquid Aminos

INSTRUCTIONS

1. 1. Preheat the broiler to high. Line a baking sheet with parchment.

   2. In a large bowl, toss the cauliflower with 1 tablespoon cornstarch to coat. Add the coconut milk and 2 tablespoons soy say, tossing to evenly coat all the florets. Spread the cauliflower in an even layer on the prepared baking sheet. Transfer to the oven and broil for 3-4 minutes, until the cauliflower is just beginning to char on the edges. Reduce the oven temp to 425 and bake another 5 minutes, until just tender.

   3. Meanwhile, make the sauce. Combine the remaining 1/3 cup soy sauce, hoisin sauce, honey, vinegar, crushed red pepper flakes, and a pinch of pepper. Add 1/4 cup water and the remaining 1 tablespoons cornstarch, whisking until combined and smooth.

   4. Heat the oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Add the garlic, ginger, and green onions, and cook 5 minutes or until fragrant. Stir in the soy sauce mixture and bring to a boil over medium heat. Once boiling, reduce the heat to low. Add the cauliflower and cook, stirring occasionally, until the sauce thickens slightly, about 5 minutes. Remove from the heat, stir in the peanuts.

   5. Serve the cauliflower and sauce over bowls of rice. Top with additional peanuts and green on

1. 
   

Kalo Pascha!

 Καλό Πάσχα!  Good Pascha! 

In the tradition of Eastern Orthodoxy, our ‘fast’ begins today ( nearly a month behind American Easter) I put fast in quotes because in American culture, to fast is to abstain from everything to eat. 40 days would be a long time to go without but in the church there are levels of the fast. In our house, meat is off the table. According to our reading from Fr. Alexander Schmemann, if you don’t abstain, at the very least, from meat then you are not fasting. But that’s us. For some, it’s a strict Vegan diet but for others is what they can do or choose to do. Our kids fasted with us unknowingly as there are so many substitute vegetarian products that resemble meat. They had ‘chicken’ nuggets and were happy. 

We rarely abstain from dairy in our house and will eat fish. We don’t go out of our way to seek meat substitutes as that seems to defeat the purpose. There are a lot of veggie options now and I did hit a Burger King for a Impossible Whopper one year but why really? 

A lot of this does not work with our American daily lives of working long hours so we make adjustments. Sometimes health issues make it difficult. Rice and pasta and breads are great unless you have diabetes. Then what?  It’s a daily struggle for us but a good struggle and worth it in the final hours. Some days we simply skip dinner cause we are bored with our options. It’s ok. We are obviously not starving. 

A while back, in my younger days,  I did a monastic fast. Strict Vegan, one meal, after sundown. I lost 22 pounds and was a bear to be around so missed the point of fasting totally. When I was at the monastery learning iconography, I participated as the Monks did and took it all in stride. The labor was not overwhelming and I painted and prayed daily. Immersion has a lot to do with it. I loved chanting in the church and participating in all the services but it made me prideful and I had to stop. I still love singing but do it in my studio along with the Russians. 😂

Still now, during the fast, I have a large painting to work on or sometimes I will tie prayer ropes. It all helps me focus on the spiritual aspect of fasting. Painting makes me forget my hunger and troubles and Rachmaninov’s liturgy in the background helps my spiritual focus. I grew up in the Serbian Church so the Slavic nature of the liturgy reminds me of my youth in the church. 

This year, we started our journey watching The Island, a Russian film about a monastic that struggled for years with his pride and sin. It’s was so bleak and moody but a great message and food for thought. We have watched stories about the Monks of Mt Athos and anything we can to keep our focus on the spiritual side of life while life around us continues as usual. 

We keep our eyes on the eventual resurrection of our Lord and the events that lead up to it. Jim Bishop wrote a book called ‘The Day Christ Died’ a fantastic read for Lent. Really puts you in the period of His last days. 

And then, once over, we have the feast! We used have people over every year but we soon discovered our non Orthodox friends had no frame of reference for our joy so we now keep it in the family. Occasionally we have guests but if you haven’t abstained from flesh meats for the last 40 days, the roasted lamb is no treat at all. Just another Sunday dinner. 

So   Καλό Πάσχα to all. I hope your journey leads to you peace and enlightenment this coming holiday.

https://www.goarch.org/-/when-you-fast?fbclid=IwAR2wP6HeEnF3MGiRLQDlkG81pUN_xOvyJ2-X3la2kjpjZCoubdwXvYQ2aZ4

Steak Pasta Revisited

A long while back there was a great little place up the street from us called Ryan’s Bistro. It had some really great food and we loved it but it closed and reopened elsewhere several times before disappearing for good. 

I had a dish with steak, mushrooms, tomato and blue cheese over pasta. My favorite dish on the menu so I tried it at home. I have made this countless times and tonight we had it with a leftover NY Strip from the night before. 

I don’t eat pasta that often because of my diabetes but I found a great high fiber pasta here locally that does not cause a spike in my blood glucose and we stick to the serving size, religiously. 

Steak Pasta

1 tablespoon butter

2 tablespoons  olive oil

8 oz Cremini mushrooms quartered

A good handful of cherry tomatoes, halved

2 cloves of garlic, minced

8 ounces of steak I had a cooked medium rare NY Strip that I cubed into bite sized pieces. Use more if desired. If using an uncooked steak, fry the steak to medium rare first, set aside to rest the cut into bite sized pieces. Then proceed, using the same pan with the rest of the recipe. 

1 tablespoon of flour

1 1/2 cup milk

1/2 cup cream

4 ounces of blue cheese crumbled

1/2 cup Parmesan shredded. 

12 ounces cooked penne, cooking water reserved

I started by heating a large skillet with the butter and oil and added the mushrooms. Cooking till they just start to color lightly.  The tomatoes and garlic went next, sauté for a few minutes. I sprinkled the flour and let cook a few minutes before adding the milk. I let the sauce thicken and but then added the cream and cheeses. Salt and pepper, I also added red pepper flakes then add the beef to the mix and allow to heat through. 

Add the cooked pasta to the pan and mix. Dish it up with a sprinkle of Parmesan on top. Use the pasta water to thin the sauce if needed. 

 

Cinnamon Raisin Bread

 

Not exactly sure how this got started. My buddy John Birge went on one evening about loving raisins and Cinnamon Raisin breads and rolls.  I was looking for something to do and foraged for a decent recipe and came across this recipe from Bread Illustrated. The standout here was the final product and how it came together and in the end had a definite brioche vibe to the bread.  I've made several loaves now and am embarrassed to say that none has ended into John's hands yet. Sorry John, yours will come. 

This bread takes a while to rise because of the fat content. Try not to rush it, don’t proof it in a hot oven. I used 100 degrees max to prevent the butter from turning the dough greasy. 

This recipe is a bit more complicated than I'm used to but its worth the extra effort I think. 

Cinnamon Swirl Bread  (makes 2 loaves)  Mixer recommended. 

dough

8 tablespoons of softened butter in 32 pieces  unsalted 

3 1/4 cups bread flour

3/4 c dry milk

1 tablespoon yeast

1 1/2 teaspoon salt  skip if using salted butter

1 1/2 cups room temp water

1/3 cups granulated sugar

1 large egg room temp

1 1/2 cups golden raisins..

filling

1 cup powder sugar

3 tablespoons cinnamon

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 large egg with 1 tbls water, pinch of salt

Toss the butter with 1 T flour and set aside.

Whisk remaining flour, dry milk, yeast together in mixer. 

Whisk water, sugar and egg until sugar dissolves.

In the mixer with a dough hook, add the wet ingredients to the dry and mix till a cohesive dough forms and no dry flour remains. Scrape the bowl, cover with plastic and rest for 20 minutes. 

Now, add salt to the dough and knead on medium until incorporated then start adding the butter a few pieces at a time till incorporated. Continue to knead until the dough is smooth and elastic. Reduce speed and add raisins and mix till blended. 

Place dough in a large greased bowl and allow to rise, 45 minutes. 

Now  start folding the dough, 8 times turning the bowl a quarter turn each time. Cover again then let rise until doubled. About an hour but maybe longer. 

After the rise, deflate the dough and divide in half. Keep half covered while you work with the other half.

 I simply rolled the dough out at this point into about a 18 x 8 inch rectangle. Mist the surface of the dough with water and sprinkle 1/2 the filling. Press down lightly with hands then mist again, lightly. 

'Roll the dough tightly  from the short end, dust lightly with flour and set aside to rest 10 minutes. Repeat with second half. 

Grease 2 8-9 inch loaf pans.  Cut the first dough cylinder in half length wise. Cut side up, braid the 2 halves, stretching slightly, and place in pan, cut side up. Repeat for 2nd loaf. Cover loosely with plastic wrap and let rise till they come to the top of the pan or higher as there is no oven spring with these loaves. About 1 1/2 to 2 hours or more. 

Heat oven to 350 and place rack in the middle. Gently brush tops of loaves with egg mixture and I used clear sugar crystals to adorn the top. Bake 25 minutes and reduce heat to 325. Rotate the loaves and bake to an internal temp of 200. Tent with foil if needed to prevent over browning. Cool for 5 minutes then turn out onto rack to cool for 3 hours before slicing. You won't be able to wait the long. The house is going to smell incredible. 

It’s a Runza kind of day....

 A local ‘delicacy’, the Runza or bierock. A stuffed bun with cabbage and ground beef. Loving them. Here’s one way to do it...

1 1/2 pound ground beef

Salt and pepper to taste

1 pkg of coleslaw mix

1 teaspoon or more garlic powder and onion powder

8 ounces melty  cheese like Colby in shreds

1 pack of Rhodes Texas rolls,  thawed and risen

Cook the beef, breaking it up. Add salt and pepper and spices. Add the package of slaw and allow to wilt then add the cheese and mix.

I broke out my tortilla press and place some parchment in it the sandwiched the risen roll and flattened the dough. I place 1-2 tablespoons of filling then gathered the edges and sealed the roll. Place seal side down on parchment lined half sheet. Let rise for 30 minutes then bake at 350 for 15 minutes till golden. 

That Magic White Cake Frosting

 We have a local family owned eatery here in Omaha that served a white sheet cake. It was Mackenzie’s favorite dessert of all time. Sadly, they closed and sold the property and the cake went with it.  They are friends of ours and apparently they had a few cakes left in the freezer so I got one for Kenzie’s birthday last year. It’s the frosting that makes the cake and they shared the recipe with me.

Sour Cream white Frosting

This recipe has to be adjusted as I made it as is and it was a little thin. I like a stiffer frosting so adjust accordingly.

1 pound butter softened

1 bag powdered sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla

1 1/3 cup sour cream

I would cream the butter, add the sugar and vanilla but add the sour cream slowly until it’s the consistency you like. This was too mush sour cream for me so less if you like the frosting a bit stiffer.

Tom and Jerry...a warm up for snow days

 

So a few inches of snow and single digit temps call for some serious medicine to get the blood flowing again. Since I am forbidden to shovel due to a cardiac event now 20 odd years in the past, Brenda braved the temps to scoop the drive, the walk around the corner and the neighbors drive. She joked about needing a hot toddy so I quickly ran in the house to assemble Tom and Jerry mix. She has never had it before and I remember it as kids when my Grandpa made them at Christmas. He had a lovely cup and bowl set, ringed in gold that he brought out for the occasion but I do not recall the recipe. My cousin Matt has the bowl and original recipe but he didn’t share so...I did a little research and found a winner. This concoction will do just nicely. Make sure you have a good rum, we have a Tortuga Dark Rum we brought back from St. Thomas years ago so we are good to go.

The recipe used a dozen eggs and 3 pounds of powdered sugar but I don’t want Tom and Jerry for the rest of my days so here is a scaled down version to make about 12 of them or so. 

Tom and Jerry

2 eggs, separated

Pinch of salt

1  - 1 1/2 cup powdered sugar

6 tablespoons of softened butter

Nutmeg, cloves and allspice...a 1/4- 1/2 teaspoon each to taste. 

1/2 teaspoon of vanilla

In 3 separate bowls:

Beat the egg whites and salt till stiff peaks form. Set aside

Beat the egg yolks till it forms ribbons. Add the spices and vanilla. Set aside. 

Beat the powder sugar and butter together till fluffy and light. 

Add the yolks to the sugar mix and beat then fold in the whites till well combined.

To make the drink:

Place a shot of dark rum and a tablespoon of the mix in a cup, then add about a cup of boiling water. Mix throughly and enjoy. A little whipped cream or a sprinkle of nutmeg? 

Scones...fit for a Queen (at least in this house)

 

Ok, no big secret here but I have tried a dozen scone recipes and this one produces consistent results. You can add whatever flavors or fruit you like but so far my biggest fan prefers blueberries with a tablespoon of cinnamon added to the fray. These are not sweet by any means. I usually add some sort of glaze when hot to sweeten them up a bit. Last batch was cranberries/orange but not the house favorite.  Here’s the recipe link...ad lib at will. 

Lastly, I use a scone pan. A ceramic dish I bought at World Market that has 8 wedges. I love consistent sizes and high scones so no spread with this at all but you get height. Enjoy! 

https://www.bonappetit.com/recipe/bas-best-cream-scones

Italian Comfort Food...Passatelli in Brodo

 

Basically noodles in broth, this rich, satisfying soup hits all the notes.  Sturdy noodles made from bread crumbs, Parmesan and eggs with a bit of lemon and touch of nutmeg. The broth, while usually chicken, tonight was vegetable with a dose of Turmeric to give it color and health benefits. A hearty soup for a cold night, I started early today and looked forward all day to putting it together.  Since I didn’t want to hit the stores today with the snow and street situation, I used what I had on hand. I made the noodles while I had the mixer out and used my meat grinder attachment to press the pasta. Worked great! I allowed the pasta to hang out in the fridge, covered and dusted with flour. When it came time to eat, I brought the broth to a rolling boil, dropped the noodles in and let them simmer after I turned down the heat. It gave the broth a chance to thicken nicely before spooning into bowls with more Parmesan and a grind of black pepper (improves the bio availability of the Turmeric.)  Great dish. 

For the Passatelli:

1 cup of plain bread crumbs (I used Panko)

1 cup Parmesan, freshly grated, real stuff.

2 large eggs 

Zest of a lemon

Grind of nutmeg

I used my mini processor to make the dough, adding a tablespoon of flour to tighten it up if needed. Let that rest for an hour before extruding the pasta either in a meat grinder or potato ricer. I dusted the finished product with flour on a plate and covered in the fridge till dinner.

For the broth I used vegetable which I augmented with 1/2 an onion, 2 celery stalks, 2 carrots, 3 crushed garlic cloves and a few peppercorns with a teaspoon of thyme. Salt to taste and simmer for about an hour. Strain and use. Chicken broth would have been made in a similar manner but adding a few chicken legs or bone in, skin on breasts. I almost always add Turmeric to improve the color and add health benefits. 

Enjoy! We sure did.